So… that long awaited baby has finally arrived – but what is the social etiquette when it comes to visiting, how do you behave and what do you do?
Of course it can vary depending on your relationship to the parents – if you’re best friends they might be happier with a more casual visiting schedule. However if you’re only work colleagues, chances are the new parents prefer you to ring ahead or give them plenty of time alone with their new bundle of joy.
This is a basic guide of the DO’S and DO NOT’S when it comes to visiting a newborn baby and parents.
DO!
- Phone ahead – Make sure you phone ahead to find out if the family will be home, that there aren’t other visitors expected and that they won’t be in the middle of lunch or dinner.
- Time your visit – Try and keep your visit around half an hour.
- Offer to help – Offer to do something simple even if it’s just hanging out a load of washing or doing dishes.
- Take a suitable gift – See my guide on picking the perfect baby present.
- Watch for signals – If baby starts fussing or mum and dad start appearing shifty or yawn, it’s probably time to go.
DO NOT!
- Visit in hospital – Unless you are a close relative, the parents would probably prefer private time with their newborn. About a week after birth is a reasonable time to consider visiting. Think about how you feel in hospital – and remember that not only are the parents in a strange environment they’ve only had hours to adjust to their new arrival.
- Offer unsolicited advice – The parents will already have heard more advice on every topic than they can remember. If they ask a specific question, feel free to answer but don’t turn it into a long discussion. Remember – even if you’ve had five kids, all babies are different!
- Tell new parents what they’re doing wrong – new parents are already stressed and confused. If you tell them they’re doing something wrong, chances are that the lack of sleep and stress will make them get their back up. If you see something that is of major consequence, be very gentle about how you approach the subject.
- Monopolise baby – It’s fine to hold baby – it may even be appreciated if the parents have things to do, but remember that new mums can be very jumpy around their firstborns. If baby gets upset, it’s probably best to hand her back to a parent.
Susannah is a certified Birth Doula through Childbirth International and the founder of Trimester Talk. With a background in journalism and digital strategy, she combines evidence-based research with real-world knowledge to create accessible content about pregnancy and parenting. She’s a mother of two and stepmother of two more, all of them now teenagers.