You’re pregnant. Finally! The only problem? You don’t FEEL pregnant. Sure, the signs are there, the bloat, then finally the bump. But at what point in pregnancy does it all feel real? When do you really know you’re pregnant and start to bond with your baby?
The easy answer, of course, is that it can be at any point in your pregnancy that a single thing makes you realise it’s really happening to you. That might be the first time you can’t do up your pants, the first item of baby clothing, the first appointment, the first ultrasound or the first kick.
But that’s not how it works for every woman. Imagine pregnancy like a relationship. You may experience a crush. Or love at first sight. Or it may take you weeks or months to develop (or discover) your true feelings.
Pregnancy is much the same. While some women feel a deep connection to their baby from the first moment they see the positive test, other women need a more real, physical connection. The way you feel about your pregnancy can’t be put into a box.
Some women don’t bond with their babies at all during pregnancy; this can be due to previous losses, being visual people, not being able to associate the kicks with a real person or a range of other reasons. Some women don’t even bond till baby is home from the hospital and they get to hold, interact and play with them.
The good news? No matter when you bond or when pregnancy begins to feel real, you’re still in the wide range of normal. You’re still going to be a great mum. And the fact you’re asking these questions just goes to show how much you really care about your little one.
If you’re feeling disconnected or anxious, talk to your doctor or midwife; they’re there to support you emotionally as well as physically.
Susannah is a certified Birth Doula through Childbirth International and the founder of Trimester Talk. With a background in journalism and digital strategy, she combines evidence-based research with real-world knowledge to create accessible content about pregnancy and parenting. She’s a mother of two and stepmother of two more, all of them now teenagers.